Wicked in 15 Minutes
by Miscellaneous Sonata
Summary: Sorry this took so long. Just some misunderstandings with things and all. If anybody can think of other ways to do musicals in 15 minutes, let me know! Ideas are much appreciated. This is dedicated to acsbabyangelgirl on her 19th birthday!


Wicked in 15 minutes

A/N: So, I'm still not sure about the next musical I'll be working on but I'll get there soon enough, I promise! Anyways, if you want more movies in 15 minutes as usual check out the amazing Cleolinda at as it was her original idea. I just played with it. And one more announcement, this 15 minutes version is in honor of acsbabyangelgirl's 19th birthday! Even though it's late o.O

Disclaimer: I don't own Wicked or the Wizard of Oz at all. If I did, I wouldn't have made Dorothy so incredibly annoying.

_In the land of Celebrate Good times of Oz_

Ozians: In case you didn't pay attention to The Wizard of Oz, the green chick gets it and we're thrilled!

Galinda: (floats in and puts in a whole new meaning to personal bubble) Hey Ozians! Just so you know the Wicked Witch is really really really dead according to this watch here at this time. But I wouldn't know as I wasn't actually there but that's ok you blindly follow me anyway.

Ozians: We blindly follow and obey!

Galinda: That's more like it!

Ozians: Hey, Galinda, since we think you're so knowledgeable, how did she become all nasty?

Galinda: Good question! I'll fill in time by using funny sounding words that annoy English Majors! So anyway, we'll watch this reenacted flashback and enjoy!

Frex: I'm so faithful it hurts! I'll miss you on my priestly trip, darling!

Maelina: Yeah, whatever, miss you too, hon.

Lover man who is later described as someone we know and love: Yeah, this weirds me out too. I think you're sexy! But I have a weird thing for green booze! Drink up, me hearties, yo ho!

Maelina: Oh, whatever, it's just a cameo and I'm supposed to be a slut anyway. (guzzles)

_Approximately 9 months later in reenacted flashback_

Midwife and Frex: Oh my, the baby will be so cute!

Maelina: Just let me take it out, damn you!

Frex: So perfect and pretty and pageant worthy!

Midwife: Hey, it's coming out!

Maelina: Burn it all to hell!!!

Frex and Midwife: It's so pretty and perfect and oooooh shiiiiiiiit!

Frex: Wait, that ain't mine. Plus it's green! Get it out! Plague upon both your houses!

Ozians: Yeah, whatever. Sob story. We don't care. She's still dead! Woo hoo! Partay up in the OZ land!

Galinda: Well, anyway, not like I have anything else to say as I'm just the blond chick with a bubble uh…. Bye!

Ozian: Hang on! I declare this a press conference! Didn't you know her?

(dramatic chord of plot development!)

Galinda: Well..uh..yeah…. My wand's sparklier than yours!

Ozians: (all gasp AGAIN)

Galinda: Well, since it's story time. We did meet at that place called school in the loverly Shiz. (floats down)

_In the halls of knowledge and hierarchy_

Ozian students of Shiz(t) (yes, I couldn't resist): Shiz is special! It makes us smart enough to blindly follow and obey the Wizard! And sing about it!

Galinda: Ooo, an opportunity for a descant! And a majestic entrance! And here you thought I was still a bubble!

(enter Frex with Nessarose in a wheelchair and our favorite green chick)

Elphaba: What are you guys staring at? What? Yes, I'm a natural green. Leave me alone, freaks.

Frex: Just because you're a freak doesn't mean you have to act like one.

Elphaba: And no thanks to you.

Nessa: Oh good Oz…. Somebody stop the madness.

Frex: Whatever, I'm going to show blatant favoritism now. Nessa, because you're invalid and clearly not green, I give you sparkly shoes that also serve as a plot point!

Nessa: (squee!) They sparkle! But Elphaba..

Frex: (completely ignores Elphie as usual and heads off)

Elphaba: Whatever, I'm green. Silver so doesn't match my complexion. Besides I don't want your stupid plot point.

(Enter Madame Morrible not to be confused with Horrible which she is but I'm sure that couldn't possibly be a coincidence in names, right?)

Morrible the Horrible: Welcome brainless followers of Oz! I'm your headmistress and I happen to hang out with the Wizard! Any questions about rooms? Yes? No? Oh, it's you.

Galinda: (has hand raised) No, it's not about that. You see I want to be a witch.

Elphaba: (raised hand too)

Galinda: (ignores) Anyway, I wrote such a good essay with a bad pun that you must consider me for your sorcery seminar!

Morrible: Uh yeah, I only teach every once in a while for some one really special and all-

Galinda: Duh!

Elphaba: Hello? Rooms?

Morrible: Right! Oh wow, one of you's pretty and the other's green. I'll point that out disgustedly in case no one noticed. You must be smart but you're not on the list. I'll have to find someone to suit you. Who wants to volunteer?

Galinda: (whiiiine) Oh come on, I just want-

Morrible: Yes, you! I get even in a funny way! Look you hate each other and now you're roomies! I laugh at my own scheme! (starts wheeling Nessa out)

Elphaba: Hey, I'm possessive and magical! Get your hands off that wheelchair! (makes it go crazy)

Everybody: Holy shit!

Morrible: How'd the hell did you do that?

Elphaba: Oops.

Morrible: No, you're brilliant! Guess what, I change my mind about the green problem! My schemes work yet again! My seminar is open just for you! You could be a witch! Isn't that fitting for your unfortunate skin problem? You could be huge, partners with the Wizard and all which we know later would be incredibly ironic! Doesn't that make you want to burst into song? (leaves)

Galinda: Ugh, I feel so put upon! (leaves)

Elphaba: Now's my chance to admit I like singing and dancing! Wow, I'm gonna be with the Wizard! And be all popular and I'll use lots of puns about my fate! Isn't that great?

Galinda: (shows up again apparently showing her knowledge of being able to write as bubbly as she is already, pun intended) Mommy and Daddy, I swear I hate my roommate! She's so green and mean and weird and scary! It's like she's a witch or something but that would be too obvious!

Elphaba: Whatever. She's blond. Therefore I hate her. No wait, the word loathing is much better. I think I'll use that one.

Galinda: Me too! I so hate you!

Elphaba: I hate everything about you!

Students: We blindly follow and obey Galinda again and hate you too!

Elphaba: Curse you! You're even making me singing a perky song!

_Later in the class of Bigotry and Mispronunciations_

Dillamond: Heeeeey guys, yes I'm a goat but I'm not really a goat. And no it's really explained in this musical. This is why you should read the book, you know. Hello everyone and Miss Glinda.

Galinda: I'm SO GAlinda, you know. Ugh. Not like that's an insensible name at all.

Dillamond: Ok, you're special and pink. Anyways, I'll give you some background just in case you didn't pay attention to my cool costume here. I'm really a Goat not a goat. So there. Yeah, I wouldn't be able to expect to know the difference either. Anyways, I will now ask philosophical questions in which only someone green can appreciate and understand.

Elphaba: Look I'm smart and a freak! Go me!

Dillamond: Anyways, I'm going to use the blackboard for no reason. Oh look, open bigotry written on my board. Everybody go away!

Elphaba: (stays behind) It's ok. I know what it's like to be different. Look, I'm the color of grass!

Dillamond: Animals are devolving anyway because it won't be much of a plot point later I'll tell you anyway and sing like a goat!

ELphaba: Cool, I think I'll join in.

_Outside __in the University of sexy sing-a-longs about not caring about life at all_

Avaric: Well, here we are. It's fun to be a minor character, isn't it?

Fiyero: I wouldn't know but my name's weird enough. Bye anyway!

Boq: Galinda, I love you so much but you don't even know I exist! What can I do to make you change your mind about us munchkins?

Galinda: Who are you again? Oooh, I'm distracted by the fresh new meat on campus. He's so scandalous

Boq: Uh, still here.

Galinda: Whatever.

Fiyero: Studying is for losers. Being brainless is fun. Do drugs kids! It's a song for everything! I'll sing about dancing while we make up our minds about another dance sequence that just happens to be a momentous ball! How ironic!

Galinda: Oh my goodness! I'm brainless too! We're so perfect for each other!

Boq: Hellooooo…still here? I don't sound too desperate right?

Galinda: Not at all. Go ask the kid in the wheelchair out.

Boq: Uh, since you told me too ok.

Elphaba: Dances are so stupid! Nothing ever matches green! I'm so emo!

Nessa: Shut up, I have a date. Be happy for once in your life. Some munchkin asked me out. We're so perfect and I didn't even know him until now!

Elphaba: Ok, whatever. I'll go suck it up and thank that pink freak for you.

Galinda: (with a funny looking ironically witch like hat, hint hint) Ugh, my aun'ts so dumb. She sends me the plot points instead of the green chick. It's so annoying!

Galinda fangirls: I know someone you hate to give it to!

Galinda: You're so right! It's like you actually have brain cells and so do I! Elphaba, I give you this hat because it's black like your soul. But don't take it wrong. Enjoy!

Elphaba: (somehow amused, buys it and rushes off with hat)

(insert dance sequence here)

Morrible: I don't know why I'm at a student dance function but here's a sparkly wand, Galinda. It's as obnoxious looking as you are.

Galinda: training wand! It's so pretty! Thank you!

Morrible: Whatever, I only did it cause the green chick told me to. (leaves)

Galinda: This is great! But for some reason it's like I actually feel guilty for once.

Fiyero: What? Guilt? You know what that is? Whatever. Anyways, we're at a dance. Let's dance around like idiots!

Elphaba: (enters dramatically with big pointy hat, no foreshadowing here at all noooo)

Everybody: (dramatic gasps since the extras seem to be good at that in this show)

Galinda: I feel so guilty! And she's dancing so weird at already! I think I'm going to help out. (dances stupidly too, sets a trend)

_Later back in the Dorm room of girly secrets via Truth or Dare time_

Galinda: Hey, since we both helped each other out for once I guess that makes us the weirdest friends ever. I'll make you pretty!

Elphaba: Pretty what?

Galinda: Yeah and popular! And I'll dance around and sing about it while I give you a cheap make over! lOok, pink goes good with green! I just came up with a slogan!

Elphaba: Whatever..uh bye.

_Meanwhile back in the formerly Goat class that is taken over by Animal bigotry_

Elphaba: I feel so ridiculous yet I'll try to look hot anyway.

FIyero: Hey you were cute green to begin with.

Elphaba: Wha?

Dillamond: Hey guys, class time! I'm going to begin?

(Enter rushing Morrible and scientist people. Insert moral lesson here)

Morrible: I swear I had nothing to do with this even though I probably did!

Dillamond: What?

Random scientist: My class now. Bye!

Elphaba: What? Haven't you people heard about speaking out against things?

Dillamond: (dragged away) But I haven't taught the moral lesson yet!

Professor: I'm weirdly chipper that the last teacher got dragged off and I'm taking over! Pay attention to this experiment and plot development here! We will now give the green chick a vice to go over and a motivation to go crazy! See? Animal in a cage, easy as that. And oh, look, a conveniently placed lion that might become a coward later in time! Who would have thought of that!

Elphaba: Stupid students! You're so brainwashed it's not even funny! I rail against it!

Fiyero: I will be sympathetic to your cause for no reason whatsoever except for plot development!

Elphaba: I don't know what else to do but to freak out and use magic when I shouldn't! (Kabam, everyone goes nuts and they rush over to help said lion escape)

Fiyero: Ok, while we're away from the classroom I think I'll insert some romantic tension. Here's your lion back. (tosses)

Elphaba: Romantic what? Somehow I'm beginning to have strange feelings about you even though you represent everything I can't stand. But hey you saved an Animal.

Fiyero: Whatever, I'm going to talk to Galinda now.

Elphaba: Damn. Now I'm going to have a meaningful emo moment now.

_Later in a conveniently raining scene where we remember Elphaba doesn't like rain. Oooo irony_

Morrible: Sorry it took so long to get this stuff from the Wizard here but since the plot's been moving so fast I haven't had a chance. Here's your letter. Now go to the Emerald City to be converted!

Elphaba: Emerald? Hey, that's green like me! Now, I'm thrilled and I think I'll invite my roomie!

_In a train station channeling Casablanca_

Boq: Ugh, I'm so tired of pretending to like her! Now I'll be dramatic, make a scene and just leave!

Nessa: I think I'm going to be as emo as my sister now. (wheels away0

Fiyero: Well, I'm back to create more romantic tension!

Galinda: (giggle) I just love romantic tension. Especially when it's focused on me! Anyways I'm going to change my name to Glinda to honor Dr. Dillamond even though I didn't really care about him anyway. But since I'm being noble, I'll have my name make sense to that other story you guys all know about!

_Later in the singing, dancing, very green Emerald City_

Elphaba: Holy shit, it's green! I love this place already!

Galinda: It's pretty! And it's full of shallow things that I can enjoy!

Elphaba: Oh, I think we're friends now.

Galinda: No, good friends.

Elphaba: No, best friends. I so just said that out loud and I can't take it back.

_Afterwards in the hypnotic chambers of the Wizard of Oz who has a power trip problem._

Wizard: I'm so scary! Fear me! Come to the Dark Side! We have cookies!

Elphaba: What? It's just us? Maybe?

Wizard: (comes out from Wizard head) Look, I'm short and apparently from Kansas too! Therefore I will be nice, sentimental and helpful until I find out you're against me! Though the cookies bit always seems to pick up converts. Anyways, I just love making people happy so I'll make you fly and create more foreshadowing!

Elphaba: Shit, I'm flying!

Glinda: Flying?

Wizard: Flying!

Elphaba: What is this? Peter Pan?

Wizard: Well you can fly some more if you figure out what this random stuff is in this really green book. Ironic how it's green, right?

Elphaba: Oooo, book of magic. I think I can try. Let me mumble things that might be considered freaky to normal people.

Monkey: Oh shit! Why am I on stage again? Oh shit, I can fly? I didn't even know I was in this musical!

Elphaba: I made it fly and I didn't even mean to! Now, I'll make it my servant! (runs off, accidentally making more monkeys fly)

Glinda: Shit! What'd I tell you about making things fly?!(runs off after her)

Wizard: Time to be menacing again. And they didn't even fall for the cookies bit! (yells into head to arrest them)

Elphaba: Well, that was smart running up in an attic. Oh, look, a conveniently placed broom. I think I might use that later as a plot point too.

Glinda: I'm so mad at you I'm singing! What's with the flying monkeys?

Elphaba: I don't know! I'm pissed off! I'm so mad I'm going to sing about a motivational moment in my life. And defying gravity is much more poetic than just flying so there! I defy gravity and I'm poetic!

Guards: Stop the madness! We have to stop the witch from singing and flying at the same time!

Elphaba: Not going to work! Look, I use special effects to float!

Guards: Oh no!

Glinda: Guess, I'll stay here but I'll give you another piece of foreshadowing. Have a menacing looking cloak. And a safe trip! Enjoy!

Elphaba: I'll head to the west! Yes, the west! That sounds like a cool name! Wicked witch of the west! I'm outta this popsicle joint!

ACT TWO

Ozians: We're so scared! Yet we're all scared together, right? Oh no we can't take the terror! We'll have to have crazy rumors about it too!

Glinda: I can't take weird rumors. I declare we pretend to be perky like me and celebrate! Right? Besides I'm engaged because I said so! Yay me!

Fiyero: Who what? Did I miss this?

Morrible: We're so happy for you that you converted! And we coerced you into being a figurehead and everything!

Glinda: I'm so easily taken in it's sickening. But I miss my green roomie.

Morrible: Anyways speaking of your so called green roomie I'll make shit up to entertain the crowd and praise you.

Fiyero: (goes off and Glinda follows) I can't take this. This is not right you know. I mean I'm only here for romantic tension and you've gone and made things more complicated.

Glinda: But Fiyero, I just love it when you're so deep. Wait, you're deep?

Fiyero: Right. (runs off)

Glinda: Everything's ok! I'm not a bad liar at all!

_Back in Munchkinland, the land of reuniting and witty puns_

Elphaba: (shows up out of nowhere after hearing a Boq Nessa squabble) Hey, I need Dad's help not that I don't hate him or anything but I still need it. Know where he is?

Nessa: Dead, dumbass.

Elphaba: Oh, right. Anyways, I guess it'll be us working together!

Nessa: You're crazy! All your magic and you never thought to make me have dancing feet!

Elphaba: Well, uh, I can't exactly. Hang on! (magical idea spark of life) I'll just use your silver shoes and make them red and convenient for the plot! Then I'll make it so you can walk using sparkly shoes! Aren't I clever?

Nessa: You so are! I get up and walk! I'm so excited I'll tell Boq who is clearly not happy with me!

Boq: Whaaat? I swear I'm so tired of fetching you your stupid twinkies!

Nessa: Look at me I walk!

Elphaba: Aww shit now he knows I'm here.

Boq: Aah, it's green!

Nessa: Aren't you happy about the walking thing? You know it's pretty momentous and all.

Boq: Well, actually, I was so using you the whole time anyway to get to Glinda. Other than that, this has been a perfect relationship!

Nessa: Whaaa? I angst at you! And turn you into a crazy heartless man! I take out your heart! And be scary! Rawr! I am nessa! Hear me roar!

Elphaba: Nessa, I'm the magic one here! Stop stealing my act!

Boq: (screams like a crazy munchkin, nearly dies)

Elphaba: Shit, look what you did now.

Nessa: At least I didn't make flying monkeys.

Elphaba: Different! I'll fix it and make him tin as I'm a genius and actually read the Wizard of Oz! It's as if I had this planned all along!

Nessa: I'm so angry you spared him!

Boq: (gets up and freaks out)

Nessa: It so wasn't me! It was the green chick!

Boq: Aaaaaah!

_Later back in the Wizard's Temple of Conversion and cookies with peppy song numbers_

Elphaba: (climbs up wall with broom) I'm back! And I'm stealing your monkeys! They're my identity not yours! So there!

Wizard: I knew you'd come back. Nice to see you again green chick. I was getting lonely you know.

Elphaba: Yeah, you're weird. And you so don't know me at all.

Wizard: Do too.

Elphaba: Anyway, I want your monkeys!

Wizard: I'm so tired of this arguing. It's MY turn for a major musical number. Guess what? I'm from the states! I came in on a balloon and everything and they just couldn't help but worship me! So of course being as humble as I am, I let them. Hey , I can make you popular again! You can work for me and be rehabilitated like Lindsay Lohan!

Elphaba: Ok, I'll do it. Gimme the monkeys.

Wizard: Sure! For some reason, I trust you completely!

Elphaba: Free at last! Fly, monkeys, fly! Oh look another monkey under a sheet.

Wizard: Shit, don't look at that!

Elphaba: (reveals Dr. Dillamond who we almost forgot about from earlier because of all the romantic tension) Holy shit! You put him in a sheet!

Dillamond: Baah?

Elphaba: Forget the deal! I got my monkeys and I leave! You screwed over my favorite teacher!

Dillamond: Baah?

Elphaba: I fight you until I die! Grr!

Dillamond: (runs off stage)

Wizard: (calls for guards)

Fiyero: What? You called for romantic tension?

Elphaba: Fiyero, you're all right!

Guards: We're following the romantic tension wherever he goes! What Fiyero? Yes?

Fiyero: I want water for no apparent reason! Out I say!

Glinda: (enters) Hey, what's going on? Is it…oh shit! THERE you are!

Fiyero: Go back to the ball. Be sparkly there.

Glinda: Whatever, what's going on? Why's my roomie here?

Elphaba: Gaining vengeance against the Wizard?

Glinda: You mean you were with Fiyero?! I'll jump to conclusions like an idiot!

Elphaba and Fiyero: oh great.

Fiyero: Anyways, I'll prove her point and leave with you. (runs off)

Morrible: I know what to do to get her out again. We'll use her sister! Isn't it handy that I can summon tornadoes?

Wizard: Hey, Glinda, want some green elixir?

Glinda: You can't be serious… I'm going to have my emo moment now too. It must be a curse.

_Later in some deserted castle place of loooooove_

Elphaba: Wow, I'm so in love and I really wanna do something dirty but seeing as we're still on stage singing this I guess we can't do that.

Fiyero: Bummer. But we can come pretty damn close.

(insert flying house here and menacing tornado)

Elphaba: They're ruining my one love scene on purpose! For some reason, Il'l think it's about Nessa and be pissed off! You stay here, Fiyero, for no reason whatsoever. (hug)

Fiyero: Uh, ok. Like that couldn't cause any problems.

_Soon after back in the familiar scene that we all know and might just love with yellow bricks and a crashed In house._

Elphaba: (to Glinda) Hey what are you doing here giving eulogies without my permission? Get out, bitch!

Glinda: Yeah, this was so an accident.

Elphaba: You call a flying house an accident?!

Glinda: Well, uh, you got me there.

Elphaba: I'm so pissed off I'll have to have a cat fight! (bitch slapped, insert cackle)

Glinda: I knew you were evil! And now you just laughed to prove it!

Guard: (finally arrives) Your directions are shitty, Glinda, but we're here anyways like you said!

Glinda: There goes my cover.

Elphaba: It's a trap?! Now I'm really pissed off! (guards grab her)

Fiyero: (swings in) I told you I'd come in handy to rescue you!

Guard: Whatever, we'll capture you instead! (drags off Fiyero)

Fiyero: Well, that plan went down the drain.

Glinda: Hey, that's my man whore! You can't take him off like that!

Elphaba: Gah! I have so many angry emo songs in this musical it hurts! I'll give another one and turn my baby into a scarecrow! Rawr! Beat that, Wizard!

Everybody: (pretty much accuses Elphaba of being Wicked)

Boq: I'm tin because Nessa said she did it and for some reason I believe her! And that lion that we know she rescued for good reason is a coward!

Morrible: Too bad about Nessa. Bad timing and all that.

Glinda: (suddenly grows a brain) Wait a minute..did you?

Morrible: (innocent whistle)

Glinda: Holy shit!

_Later in the city of Kiamo Ko, confrontations and badly named dogs_

Glinda: Unhand that annoying country girl and her dog too that I can't pronounce for some reason!

Elphaba: Hell no, she has a shoe issue and stole my sister's shoes that I always wanted! So I surrender. And for some reason I have a bucket of water with me. Isn't that nice?

Glinda: What? Bucket of what? What is with you people and water?

Elphaba: Guess it's time to be all sentimental now. You keep the big book that you obviously can't read.

Glinda: (bawls) You're the bestest friend I've ever had! You changed my life! You even got me singing this ballad!

Elphaba: Why in the hell am I singing a sappy ballad too? I so blame you. So that was that you go hide. (pretends to melt behind a magical scrim)

Glinda: Hey, look, I guess she left us a plot point again. A green bottle and her hat. Something about her mother's.

Wizard: (suddenly shows up) The hell? This is weird. Guess I'm a Daddy after all.

Morrible: Cool, she was off both worlds! I'll yell that in case no one heard!

Glinda: Well since I'm taking over, you're going away Wizard. And you Morrible, you're so screwed.

Morrible: What? Nuuuuuuuuuuuuu I will scream dramatically at you like I think I could actually stop it! (guards drag her off)

Ozians: Hey, we're back at the beginning again! We're still thrilled the green chick got it! But guess you aren't by now as you're probably sympathetic to the conspiracy theory and all that shit.

Fiyero: (shows up as a scarecrow) And you guys thought I was all dead, didn't you? (knocks on trap door) Hey, look it's Elphie!

Elphaba: You found the trap door!

Fiyero: Anyways, now we can be happily ever after!

Glinda: Guess I'll have to be the Glinda the Good now to be dramatic and all that good stuff. Oh, look, guess the curtain time is coming. No more big numbers. I'll be oddly sentimental now and sing with an Elphaba who I think is dead! That makes so much sense!

Elphaba: I guess I'll sing along too as I can hear my cues! (disappears through the clock with Fiyero)

Ozians: We're still glad she's dead and Wicked!

THE END


End file.
